While the holiday season is a time for joy and festivities, it can also be a difficult time for those who are sharing parenting time of a child/children after a divorce. Successful co-parenting during the holidays requires planning, consideration, and collaboration to balance gatherings and traditions for everyone involved. It is crucial to keep the best interests of the child/children at the forefront of it all. Creating new memories with your child/children post-divorce will help create a sense of security for them while they are navigating their new normal.

Here are a few tips that may help you navigate the holiday season peacefully:

Understanding the Regular and Holiday Parenting Time Agreement Ordered by the Court

It is important for each parent, and the child/children, to understand the regular and holiday parenting time agreement that is in place. The divorce decree outlines how the parenting time with the child/children will be shared after divorce. The divorce judgment may be very specific with regards to regular parenting time and holiday breaks, or it can be up to the parents to agree on informally. Regular parenting time is the schedule in place for most of the year. Holiday parenting time supersedes the regular schedule, meaning if Mom usually has every Monday and Tuesday overnights and Dad has every Wednesday and Thursday overnights, and they alternate the weekends Friday through Monday, if Mom has Christmas Day until New Year’s Eve on any given year and those dates would fall on Dad’s regular parenting time, his time is suspended for Mom’s holiday time and the regular schedule will immediately resume after the holiday parenting time is over. Therefore, keeping track of who has which weekend for regular parenting time would be important during the holidays so each parent and the children know where to pick up when it’s over.

Keep the Child/Children’s Best Interests at the Forefront of all Decisions

If the judgement does not specifically outline the holiday parenting time and it is in the discretion of the parents, it will benefit the child/children from spending time with both parents throughout the holiday season. Whether the judgment is specific or not, minimizing conflict, especially during the holidays, will help children adjust better to divorce. Holidays are hard on children of divorce, so it is important to not put the children in the middle so that they can enjoy the holidays with both parents instead of feeling sad, guilty, or conflicted.

Clear Communication is Essential

Not only should you have clear communication with your co-parent, but the child/children should be kept informed of all plans. This will help prepare them for plans with each parent without having any unwanted surprises. Holiday travel especially needs to be discussed in detail to prevent any miscommunication, and make sure everyone is aligned with the plans.

It may be easy to get caught up in the excitement of the holidays, but planning ahead, communicating all plans, being flexible, and being willing to compromise are necessary elements when co-parenting during the holidays. Remember that it is not a competition between co-parents. Do not try to outdo each other. It might even be a wise idea to coordinate gift giving for the child/children.

Create a Detailed Holiday Schedule

As stated before, holiday parenting time supersedes the regular parenting time schedule that is in place. Every plan will vary from family to family. Some schedules may include alternating the holiday every year or splitting the holiday on the actual day. Do not wait until right before the holidays to set the schedule if it is left to the parent’s discretion, it would be wise to plan a few months in advance. Continuing certain holiday traditions would help maintain a sense of normalcy for the child/children. For example, if your co-parent typically has an extended family party, it might be nice to keep that tradition for the child/children. It may be a good idea to discuss with your co-parent which holiday traditions are the most important to each of you when you plan to divide time when negotiating your holiday parenting time agreement, but you should make sure the schedule is focused on the child/children and what is best for them instead of what is best for the parents.

Create New Holiday Traditions

Encourage your child/children to help come up with new holiday traditions with each parent. This could help get them excited about the changes instead of possibly feeling nervous or unsettled with the changes. It is inevitable that one parent will not have the child/children on the actual holiday, however this can open a door to creating an exciting plan and new tradition by celebrating the holiday on a different day together. It can be a time to start fresh and figure out what will bring you and your child/children joy during the holidays.

Splitting the holidays with your child/children can be emotionally heartbreaking. However, by properly planning, being flexible, having clear and open communication, minimizing conflict, and creating new holiday traditions that everyone can look forward to might help smooth the transition for everyone and may actually create an exciting and harmonious holiday season.

Written by Monica Rossi Baylis

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